


moonlight on broken hearts and burning regrets

by mintwhiskey



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, angst bc i have no life, drunk!penelope, it turned into fluff???, penelope and josie are in love everyone else can go home, penelope got jealous and then drunk, twins birthday party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-29 09:37:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16741537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintwhiskey/pseuds/mintwhiskey
Summary: penelope gets jealous and then drunk and then emotional and softness ensues





	moonlight on broken hearts and burning regrets

**Author's Note:**

> alright so I know that they've been saying that penelope did something unspeakably evil and stuff but in this au she hasn't done anything too diabolical. yes they're broken up but it's like a normal breakup everyone goes through yknow falling out, small fights that grow big due to miscommunication etc etc..  
> also I received this prompt on twitter so if y'all have any requests hmu

penelope doesn't know what she's doing here.

 

it's the saltzman twins' birthday party and sure she's been invited (she still understand how _that_ happened considering - well, considering everything) but she doesn't know why she accepted the invitation and came.

  
  
it was obviously a bad, bad idea. terrible, in fact.

  
for one, she's been here for an hour and she still hasn't seen the twins (or a particular twin but she tries not to think about that). she's seen hope and landon and rafael and mg and kaleb and literally everyone that she didn't really want to see, but the one person that she did want to see is nowhere in sight.

  
_isn't that why she came?_ something small raises the question in her head, _for josie?_

  
she shuts the voice and the question down almost instantly.

  
the music is horrendous and the lightening makes her eyes hurt and the theme is incomprehensible and the decor looks like color and glitter vomit- god, who the hell was in charge of organizing this thing? the party is being hosted at one of their classmate's pool house and for minute, penelope wonders if half the town has been invited instead of just the people from school. there's just too many damn teenagers in one place for anyone's liking.

  
penelope rolls her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose, regretting wasting her time and coming here just to feel violated like this.

  
just then, some unlucky bloke strolls up to her, clutching a red cup in his hand and throws her a grin,

  
"hey, park. what are you doing here alone?"

  
"what does it _look_ like I'm doing?" she rounds on him, "regretting coming here, is what."

  
the poor guy just stares at her, dumbstruck. that fuels her irritation further.

  
"what are you looking at?" she snaps, "get going."

  
he shuffles away quickly, as if happy to get away from her as soon as possible.

  
penelope breathes in and out, trying to calm herself. she doesn't really understand where all this frustration and annoyance is coming from but she knows it's not going away anytime soon. she steels herself, ready to storm the hell out of here before she loses her patience and causes a scene, (she doesn't want to do that to josie, not on her birthday at least). she turns and then she sees her.

  
josie; in a soft peach colored dress that falls around her knees, her hair hanging around her face in careful curls, dark eyes looking even darker somehow and her pretty pink lips stretched into an easy smile. penelope suddenly can't quite catch her breath as she watches josie making her way through the crowd, arm in arm with her twin. people start gathering around them and lizzie is there too and so is hope and mg but penelope is only looking at josie; she has always only ever looked at josie, from the first moment they met.

  
she watches as josie laughs out at something rafael says and the sound of her laugh is drowned out by the loud music but penelope doesn't need to hear it to know what it sounds like; she has memorized the sound of it from all the times she felt in bubble against her own skin and felt it vibrate under her fingertips and felt it breathed into her ears and how her heart had learned to syncopate to it perfectly. and standing there, watching her laugh, penelope realizes her heart is still syncopated to it.

  
she's so beautiful, penelope marvels for the billionth time since she first saw her - and looks just as beautiful right now, so simple yet still so damn beautiful; with her hair down, free of any accessories, just the way penelope always loved it. she remembers always telling josie to keep her hair down because she liked it like that; remembers pulling the bands out of hair on countless occasions, letting it fall in waves around her face and running her fingers through the silky strands.

penelope closes her eyes and tries to ignore how much it hurts looking at josie; how much it hurts looking at her and realizing that they're not together anymore, that she's not hers anymore, that she can't even hold her or touch her anymore and that she's the one the let her go. it was her fault, she knows it - not a moment passes that she doesn't know it - it was her fault and maybe that's why it hurts so much. then she thinks that not being with josie would've _still_ hurt this much even if it _wasn't_ her fault. being without josie is like having a piece of her cut out and it doesn't matter who's hand it was that held the carving knife. but then again, the weight of guilt is what makes everything _so much worse._  
  
she knows she would have done things differently if she had the chance, knows that she wants to apologize to josie and tell her how sorry she is but there hasn't been a chance. and besides, penelope knows her stupid ego is too big to let her bow a knee like that; she hates herself for it, hates herself for being so proud - too proud to admit her mistake- but it is the way she is and she can't change it. nobody else does self-sabotage like penelope park.

  
inhaling deeply, she looks back at josie, one of her hands slipping into her pocket to grab the little box that she brought for josie and steels herself to go up to her and hand her the present. she wants to hand her present over and then go back to the school but before she can do that, everyone is hauling the twins around to where they've put up the cake and then the next ten minutes are spent while the sisters cut the cake and everyone else cheers and claps. penelope stays where she is, at the back of the room, and watches josie's face and wonders if she's happier without her.

  
her heart suddenly feeling twenty times heavier, she turns away from the sight and heads off towards the refreshments table. she picks up a cup, fills it with punch from the massive crystal bowl and leans against the table, taking small sips and watching the patrons of the massive living room. she makes sure not to look josie's way, not for a little while at least.

  
"what are you thinking?"

  
penelope looks around at the voice and finds carter quinn standing beside her, filling his own cup from the bowl. carter is one of the guys from the football team and one of the very few people at school with whom she's on decent speaking terms.

  
"nothing," she gives a nonchalant shrug, returning her attention back to her drink.

  
"didn't expect to see you here, honestly," carter says and leans back at the table, "considering.."

  
he doesn't need to complete the sentence, literally everyone in the school knows about josie and penelope's messy breakup and even messier post-breakup era.

  
"yeah, well," penelope shrugs again, "I didn't expect to find myself here either."

  
carter looks at her sideways, smiling a little, "you look good."

 

she can't help the smirk that forms on her lips, it comes with her sense of self-adulation. she knows it's ultimate narcissist behavior but she can't do anything about it, she's always been that vain,

 

"I know."  


he laughs and nods, "but something tells me you put extra effort tonight."  


she knows what he means but decides not to make a comment about it- she's not ready to roll over that easily, at least not to anyone that's not josie.  


"I think it you got it all wrong,"  


"sure," he nods and then launches into some speech about the upcoming game. penelope half listens to him, eyes searching the crowds once again for a certain brunette. she finds her not a second later and what she sees makes her drink catch in her throat.  


josie is there on the makeshift dance floor, with rafael goddamn withe; their arms wrapped around each other as they dance to the song that's just begun.  


_josie and rafael._  


_rafael and josie._  


dancing together. unaware of the world around them. lost in each other.  


_josie and rafael._  


how did she not see it before?  


penelope feels the blood rising to her face, setting her veins on fire. her fingers clench so tightly around her plastic cup that it spasms in her death grip, spilling her drink all over her hand and on the floor.

  
"woah," carter says, alarmed, "you okay?"

 

she doesn't say anything, doesn't pay attention to him. her eyes stay fixated on the josie and rafael, surrounded by other dancing couples, completely wrapped up in one another. she's angry - no, scratch that, she's _fuming_ with rage. she's so angry, it feels like every molecule in her body is buzzing with electricity. she wants to storm over and rip josie away from rafael; she wants to punch him in his stupid, handsome face for touching her, holding her like that. she wants to kiss josie in front of the entire room and let them know she's hers - but she isn't. that's the thing, isn't it? josie isn't hers and that is the end of everything.

 

all the anger begins to leave her and penelope doesn't realize how hard she was pressing down on her lips until the teeth break through the skin and she tastes metal; she waits for the pain of it but it doesn't come. or maybe it does come but doesn't seem to have any importance compared to the ache in her heart.

 

she watches them until it begins to hurt so much that she can't take it, the pain pulsing in every inch of her being.

 

so she _has_ moved on.  


why shouldn't she have?  


she did the right thing for herself, she moved on, found someone new that will treat her better and it hurts; it shouldn't, of course, but it does.  


"oh," she hears carter softly exhale next to her and she knows he's seen what she's looking at. swallowing the dry lump in her throat, she tears her gaze away from josie.  


josie _and_ rafael. _together_.  


she looks down at the crunched up plastic cup in her hand and the punch dripping from her fingers. she tosses the wasted cup into the trashcan beside the table and reaches for a handful of napkins, wiping her fingers and palm with a vicious ferocity it's almost painful.  


carter doesn't say anything, just watches her. she doesn't say anything either and continues with cleaning up. once she's done, she throws the napkins away too and reaches up to wipe a thumb across her bottom lip; it comes away crimson.  


she turns her back to the crowd again and hunches over the table, gripping the edge so hard, her knuckles turn white as she inhaled and exhales, trying to calm herself. the box in her pocket suddenly doesn't seem of any importance anymore.  


"here,"  


she turns her head slightly to look at the red cup carter's offering her, his expression soft, a small clear bottle in his other hand. she raises an eyebrow in question,  


"it's vodka," he says in a whisper, "I feel like you're gonna need something a little stronger than punch, if you're gonna get through tonight ."  


penelope looks at him incredulously, "where the hell did you get this?"

 

"one of my friends works at the Grill," he tells her, shrugging, "we had him bring in drinks, just for the guys from the team- but I feel like you could do with a little drink.."  


she turns her head to glance at josie, who's still dancing with rafael. she knows it's reckless; getting angry and trying to drown out all her feelings in alcohol, but isn't that who she is? isn't that who they all think she is? brash and bold and crazy and reckless? she turns back around, taking the cup from carter's hand and drains it one go.  


the liquid burns as it goes down but penelope doesn't care. carter blinks, taken aback, "or maybe two?"  


"more like a dozen," she shakes her head, the vodka tastes bitter on her tongue but not as bitter as the thought of josie and rafael. she holds the cup out to carter and tilts her head, a smirk forming on her face, "where did you say the real party's at?"  


                                                                                                      》~》~》  


josie doesn't even realize when she and rafael get so close that there's barely a few inches of space left between them.  


they were dancing and laughing and before she knows it, they're right there in each other's spaces and rafael is looking at her like he's just realizing it too. his eyes implore hers before flickering down to her lips and up again - and then he's leaning in and all josie can think about is how this isn't right, this isn't how it should be. and she can't do it, she can't do it, _she can't do it._  


and he's so close now and all she can think about is how this isn't the face, the eyes, the lips, the skin that she still dreams of; and about how he isn't _her_ \- and as if on autopilot, she raises a hand and puts it on his chest, halting him. he pauses, looking confused and uncomprehending.  


"rafael," she shakes her head just a little, not really knowing how to explain herself, "I can't.. we can't."  


she doesn't know what she's doing, or why - all she knows that she can't do this, she can't be with someone and the reason as to why she's feeling this way is beyond her.  


her breakup isn't recent and neither is her heartbreak, so why does she feel like this?  


"josie.." he starts but she cuts him off,  


"you're my friend," she says as gently as she can, "and a great one at that, but I can't do this. not with you. not with anyone. I- I'm not ready."

 

the words just spill out of her and once they're out there, is when she realizes it's the truth.

 

she's not ready because she's still stuck.  


rafael just looks at her for a long moment before nodding, his hands dropping from her waist. she steps away from him and tries for a smile before turning around and pushing through the crowd of her fellow dancers.  


she doesn't know why her eyes sweep the entirety of the room, subconsciously searching the faces for a specific one, the way she's already done a dozen times tonight. she knows for a fact that hope invited her here for the party, so why didn't she come? josie feels disappointed; despite herself, despite everything that's happened, she feels disappointed and then feels angry with herself for feeling disappointed.  


why does she care if penelope park decided not to come? why did she even expect her here in the first place? why was she hoping to see her? hasn't she learned her lesson yet?  


she begins to feel suffocated in the midst of so many people and her breathing is already irregular from all the dancing.  


_I don't care_ , she tells herself as she heads toward the back of the house, _I don't care where she is, or what she's doing, or why she didn't come. I don't care about penelope park. I. don't. care._  


josie steps through the doors the open into the backyard and finds herself out under the open sky, breathing in the cool night air as deeply as she can. the night outside is completely calm and quiet in comparison to the party raging inside and she thinks she likes it better for the moment. the gardens are deserted, since everyone is inside but she doesn't mind; she finds it strangely calming.  


deciding on staying out here for just a little longer before going back in, she forges ahead to sit down on one of the lawn chairs in the garden. josie barely makes it a few steps when she realizes there's someone sitting on the porch steps, just behind one of the pillars.  


she pauses to see who it is and then freezes all over; the moonlight isn't bright enough and the porch light doesn't reach here quite well but josie doesn't need proper lightening to recognize that hair or that signature pairing of ripped jeans with high heeled boots or that side profile - she can trace all the planes and the angels of that face in her sleep.  


" _penelope_?"  


the other girl looks up at the sound of her voice and her eyes find josie,  


"hey."

 

josie wants to turn right around and head back inside; she knows she shouldn't stay out here, not with penenlope out of all the people. they hate each other and there hasn't been a single conversation between the two of them that didn't end with them at each other's throats. she doesn't want to be here with penelope, she doesn't want to let this girl get her worked up and start a brawl again.

 

and she wants to go right now, and she would have gone - if it weren't for the fact that penelope hasn't already verbally pounced her. ususally it doesn't take her more than a second to say something snarky and light the match, but the way she's just greeted josie - something feels off about it.  


"penelope, what are you doing out here alone?" she takes a step closer, squinting down at her.  


penelope presses her fingers to her forehead, "the stupid music got too loud for me to handle. I needed space. and quiet."  


josie is surprised.  


she's been here? at the party? she _actually_ came?  


"I didn't know you were here," josie says quietly.  


"well," penelope lets out a biting laugh, "if you had unwrapped yourself from around that little boy toy for second, you would've known."  


josie stares at her for a long moment, dumbstruck.  


then she realizes what penelope has said and her anger bubbles. but before she can retaliate, penelope leans forward and puts her head on her knees and groans, "god, that was shitty. I'm sorry."  


in all the time josie has known penelope, she has expected a lot of things from her - but never _this_ ; an immediate admission of wrongdoing. josie finds herself dumbstruck again, the anger and penelope's earlier remark slowly fading from her mind.  


"please don't mind me," penelope mumbles  against her jeans, "I'm just.."  


there's something funny with the way she's speaking; a little indifferent, a little unsure - and penelope park is _never_ unsure.  


"are you," josie's eyes widen a little, "are you _drunk_?"  


"it appears so."  


_oh_.  


"but.. how?" josie can't really understand, "where did you even _get_ alcohol in here?"  


"the guys from the football team - but it doesn't matter," she raises her head and leans back on her palms, face tilted to the sky, "all that matters is that I'm wasted. and angry. and that's not a good combination."

 

she should go. she really should.

 

drunk and angry penelope, it truly isn't a good combination and everything in her is telling her to get out this before it goes to shit, as always.  


her brain is screaming at her to leave penelope to herself and go, but her body seems to develop a mind of it's own. josie finds herself taking a seat on the same step as penelope, a little distance between them.

 

josie has spent the entire night thinking about penelope, was thinking about her when she stopped rafael, was thinking abiout her when she found her - and now penelope is right there and she know she can't leave. she hates herself for feeling like that.  


everything is so silent around them. penelope is looking up at the sky and the moonlight is washing all over her, bathing her in silver and glistening off her warm skin and josie can't look away. she realizes how long it's been since she last got to look at penelope for so long, to drink in every detail of her face, to just be there next to her without anything disturbing her. penelope is dressed in grey jeans and her black shirt is as thin as gauze, the top button undone and the silver chain around her neck glints under the moon and josie is transfixed- as she has always been.  


"you must hate me so much,"  


josie gives a little start, blinking at penelope who's looking at her imploringly,  


"what?"  


penelope searches her face, her light eyes full of childish curiosity, "I said, you must hate me so much."  


she gazes at her, trying to read something in her face, "why do you say that?"  


"because I know what I've done," penelope's laugh is humorless, "I know I've pulled out all stops to make you hate me. I doubt there's anything loathsome left that I haven't done."  


josie stays quiet, just watching her. she doesn't know how to respond to what she's saying. a part of her wants to yell at penelope and tell her _yes, yes I hate you. I hate you more than you could ever think_ \- but she doesn't find it in her to say it. she can't say it because as much as she resents herself for it, she doesn't hate penelope park. she _wants_ to hate her, but she doesn't. one day she will, she knows she will - just not yet. she's not ready yet.  


"I broke up with you," penelope says, a cutting edge in her voice and the words bring a fresh wave of pain to josie's heart all over again, "I broke your trust, your faith. and as if that wasn't detestable enough, I broke your heart."  


"you did," is all josie can manage.  


penelope looks at her and there's such burning regret, so much raw anguish in her face, it robs josie of her breath for a moment,  


"and I haven't had a peaceful sleep ever since."  


it's suddenly so silent that josie thinks she can hear both of their heartbeats.  


"what are you saying, penelope?"  
  


"I screwed up," she says, an expression of pure misery fills her eyes, "don't you think I don't know that? everytime I look at you, I'm reminded of what I did, of what I destroyed. and not a day goes by where I don't regret it. everything that happened, I regret it all more than you know."  


"do you, really?" josie asks quietly, "because by the looks of your behavior recently, it doesn't seen you do."  


penelope flinches visibly and returns her gaze back to the sky, her lips pressed tightly together.

 

she doesn't know why they are having this conversation; especially right now, right here. penelope is drunk as hell and josie has a house full of people celebrating her inside and her sister must be looking for her and she doesn't know why she's doing this with penelope but she can't seem to be able to stop herself,  


"why do you do it, penelope?" she stares at the side of her face, her voice barely audible, "if you regret what you did, why don't you just leave it at that? why try to add into the damage? why do all those things to hurt me? why go out of your way to spite me? why?"  


she watches the movement in penelope's throat as she swallows and the memories of everytime she has kissed that spot flash in her mind.  


_god damn it._  


josie quickly averts her eyes, trying to shake the memories off, afraid that penelope would read her mind if she thought about it too long. she's attracted to her; she's still attracted to her after everything just as she was before it all - she's always been attracted to her, since the first moment she laid eyes on her.

 

 _god damn it._  


"can't you tell?" penelope whispers, her gaze fixed ahead, unaware of josie's frantic thoughts, "can't you tell a desperate cry for attention when you see one?"  


josie looks back at her, mystified, "what do you mean?"

 

there's silence and it stretches so long, josie thinks she might never get an answer.  


"I do it because I want you to notice," penelope puts her head in her hands, fingers lacing through the strands of soft hair, "I do it so you'd look my way, so you'd talk to me even if it's to yell, so you'd think of me even if it's nothing good," her voice gets caught in the end, "so you'd feel _something_ for me, even if it's hatred."  


josie freezes all over, staring at her.  


_what?_  


"I do it because I don't want you to forget me, because I don't want you to move on from me, because I want your attention," penelope pauses and looks over, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight, "and I don't know any other way to get it."  


there's that silence again and this time, they just look at each other and josie thinks she can see penelope's eyes glazing over and her heart sinks when she realizes it just may be tears.  


for months, she's made herself believe she doesn't care about penelope park, _not anymore_. she's told herself that whatever penelope does or whatever happens to her, it doesn't concern her; penelope is cruel and heartless and selfish and nonexistent to her for all she cares, so why does it hurt so bad seeing her like this? why does she want to reach for her, to comfort her, to hold her?  


she hasn't found herself wanting something like this since they broke up, but right now being so close to her, looking into the face and the eyes she's loved so, _so_ much, surrounded by the stillness and silence of the cold night, josie finds herself wanting it so much it physically hurts.  


josie moves to reach out but then penelope is looking away again, clearing her throat a little and the spell breaks, "but that's no excuse for doing what I've done and I'm- I'm sorry. if I hurt you, and I know I have, I'm sorry. god, I'm such a mess,"  


she puts her head in her hands again, "all of this is a mess. and I've made it. I'm responsible for all of it and I've got no one else to blame. I'm sorry, josie. I don't expect forgiveness, I don't. and after all I've done, you deserve a proper apology, not this drunk blabbering bullshit but sober me would never have the nerve to seek an opportunity to apologize, guilty or not. and even if this doesn't make sense, I have a chance right now and I want you to know I'm sorry. I'm just.. really, really sorry."

 

"you're drunk, penelope," josie pulls her knees closer to herself, "you don't mean any of it."

 

penelope shakes her head, still buried in her hands, "I do- I'm drunk and that's why I mean it more than I usually would."

 

"if you were sober right now, would you still have said all of this?" josie asks, watching her closely, "how can you say this isn't the alcohol talking?"

 

"you know me, josie," she mumbles, "you know being drunk only makes me more honest. I'm not a delusional drunk, I'm only honest. if I were sober right now, I would've still felt the same - I _do_ feel the same, everyday- it's just, sober me wouldn't have been the bigger person and taken the first step. I'm drunk and I'm honest and I'm sorry."

 

they sit there under the open sky, two people forcing themselves away from each other while being so impossibly entwined.

 

"I still love you, you know," penelope's voice reaches her, making her heart stop for a beat, "I haven't gotten over you, not yet - and I don't think I ever can. we fight, we bicker and we drive each other up the wall- and I know you hate me and I know it's selfish, but I'm still stuck on you and that's why I don't want you to move on from me, because I'm still in love with you and the thought of you moving on kills me."

 

josie can't breathe- and she thinks she's going to pass out due to the lack of oxygen, seeing the number of times she's already lost her breath tonight.

 

_I'm still in love with you._

 

how can she say that? how can that be true?

 

she sounds so small, so anguished that it's impossible to believe that this is _penelope park_ , the school's resident _hbic_ and the toughest, baddest, strongest girl josie has ever known. with a pang, josie realizes that _this_ is penelope in the way _only_ she has ever seen her; vulnerable, open, insecure. she remembers all the times penelope let her in, let her see this side of her, showed weakness, showed her vulnerability and trusted josie with it.

 

_I'm still in love with you._

 

her heart contracts and she can't help the word that slips past her lips,

  
" _penny_ -"

  
"don't call me that," penelope shakes her head but it's not harsh or rude, it's unimaginably pained as every syllable is breaking her heart, "please.. you used to call me that when you would kiss me.. before, in-between, afterwards. you're not gonna kiss me now, you can't and I can't let you call me that. I can't take it."

 

_I'm still in love with you._

 

josie's heart pounds in her chest, so hard that she fears it would break through her ribs. her hands begin to shake just a little where they're curled in her lap and her throat dries up. she realizes with a start that she hasn't felt this way in months. every emotion she's kept at bay all this time, just comes crashing over her - fueled by everything penelope's said. they're so close, closer that they have been in months and it makes her realize how much she's missed it; being so close to penelope that she can feel her warmth, that she can breathe in her perfume, that she can just reach out and touch her. she has known that her feelings for penelope weren't _completely_ gone, but it wasn't until now that she realized that her feelings are right where they always were, intact, untouched; she still feels the same as she did on the first day.

 

_I'm still in love with you._

  
and looking at her right there, josie saltzman admits that it isn't easy to unlove penelope park.

 

_I'm still in love with you._

  
so she doesn't stop herself when she asks quietly,

  
"do you _want_ me to kiss you?"

 

 _this isn't right._ she knows penelope's drunk but she isn't - and she shouldn't be doing this and it's wrong; but why does it feel right? why does it feel like the only right thing in the world?

 

_I'm still in love with you._

  
penelope raises her head and looks at her, and she doesn't seem taken aback by josie's question,

  
" _do_ I want you to kiss me?" she lets out half a chuckle, it's broken and desperate and she shakes her head, " _god_ , if only you knew,"

 

_I'm still in love with you._

  
she laughs again and it cracks at the edge and when she meets her eyes, josie feels a shock run up her spine at the bold admission burning in her eyes, "it's the only thing I've wanted every time I've looked at you, josie.. all these months, every look, every glance. you have no idea-"

 

_I'm still in love with you._

  
josie doesn't need to hear more, doesn't wait to hear more. she leans forward on her knees and presses her lips against penelope's and it's like the whole world goes still before breaking apart and falling into the right places all over again.

  
josie forgets how to breathe, forgets where she is, forgets who she is, forgets the world, forgets herself; nothing exists except _right now, right here_. nothing exists, except _penelope_.

  
it feels like the everything else has ended around them and the world only exists where their lips are pressed together, and where penelope is tugging her by the hand, and where josie settles in her lap, and where her fingers push through penelope's hair, and where penelope's fingertips are pressed into her sides and _that's it;_ that is only where the world exists.

  
penelope kisses her as if it's the last time; kisses her like she's drowing and josie is all the air left in the world; kisses her like it's the only thing that is keeping her alive. and she's warm and soft under josie and it's so familiar, it begins to hurt in the sweetest, most welcoming way possible. their lips mold together again, and again, and again until they both can't breathe anymore, until the universe seems to melt into their kiss. penelope tastes like cherries and vanilla and the bitterness of alcohol - but most of all, she tastes just like she always did, of home and sweetness and familiarity, and josie feels like she falling - deep, deep down and she doesn't want to stop.

 

she dimly aware of the fact that dozens of their friends and schoolmates are just on the other side of the doors and at any time, anyone could walk in on her making out with her ex but in the moment, she doesn't care - she just doesn't care. penelope is kissing her and the softness of her mouth paired with the frenzy of her kisses is sending her spiraling and all she can think about is how much she has missed this.

 _I'm still in love with you._  

  
they break apart for air, their chests heaving and lips swollen. their faces are still so close that she can feel penelope's soft breath ghosting over her lips. josie leans her forehead against penelope's so that her hair hangs around their faces like a curtain and the other girl reaches up with one hand, tucking a strand of it behind josie's ear. her eyes are blown and sparkling and she's looking at josie like she's a miracle come to life - and josie has a feeling she's looking at her the same way.

  
keeping one arm wrapped tightly around josie's waist, penelope traces the other hand down josie's face, caressing it with such gentleness as if it's delicate glass, her expression full of wonder,

  
"is this real?"

  
josie can't help her smile as she nods, "it appears so."

  
penelope doesn't say anything, just stares at her face with so much love in her expression that josie feels her heart break a little. she puts one of her own hands on penelope's face, thumb tracing her bottom lip, trying to resist the urge of kissing her again - when she notices a small, almost healed cut on it. she frowns, softly touching it with her thumb,

  
"what happened?"

  
"I bit down on it," penelope sounds a little confused herself, "I was watching you and rafael dance and I-"

 

she breaks off, her eyes widening as realization settles in on her face and she leans her face away from josie, " _oh god_."

  
josie blinks at her, confused, "what?"

  
"you and rafael," penelope breathes, "you're together and I just kissed you and-"

  
it takes a moment for josie to understand what she's saying and when she does, she's reaching for penelope's face again, shaking her head.

  
"penny, I'm not with him," she puts her forehead against hers again, fingers cupping her cheeks, "we're not together. I think he wanted us to, you know - but I told him no."

  
penelope looks taken aback, "you told him no?"

  
josie nods.

  
"but," she sounds as bewildered as josie felt when she had stopped rafael, "why?"

  
_admit it,_ josie tells herself, _you've denied this for months but it's all lies_ \- _admit it._

 

_I'm still in love with you._

  
"because, as it turns out," josie traces her thumb over penelope's cheekbone, "I'm not over you either."

  
penelope stares at her, stricken and for a moment, josie wonders if she shouldn't have said that; and then penelope is surging forward, one hand pushing through josie's hair and pulling her in, kissing her with a vigor that physically burns where their lips meet, kissing her deeply that josie feels it settle in her bones.

  
when she pulls away, josie is gasping for air and her head is dizzy and she can't think straight - and penelope is looking at her _that_ way and she _definitely_ can't breathe.

  
"when I'm sober, come find me," penelope whispers against her lips and josie _feels_ the words more than she hears them, "I'm going to remember this - and I want to tell you all of this again, _properly_ , when I'm in my right senses.. I want to make this work, jose - I want us work on this, if you're willing. so tomorrow, when I'm sober and if you still want to, find me."

  
josie looks at her, her heart fluttering so wildly it's almost ridiculous, "do you really think we can work this?"

  
penelope outlines her jaw with gentle fingers, "we can. if you want us to. because _I_ want to. more than anything else."

  
and josie does too; she does want it so much, more than she even realizes herself.

  
"tomorrow."

  
penelope smiles then and its the first time josie has seen her smile like this since their breakup; her lips curl up, slow and lazy, and the smile touches her eyes, wrinkling them at the corners and igniting something deep within them - and josie can't help but remember how much she's always loved her smile and how much she has missed it, and _missed her_ , and _missed them._

  
shifting her weight a little, penelope reaches into her pocket with one hand and brings out a small box, holding it out for josie,

  
"happy 17th birthday, jose."

  
josie unwraps her arms from around the other girl's neck, still in her lap and takes the box. she hesitates a moment before opening it; inside lies a necklace - silver chain with a tiny, beautiful ruby pendant, encrusted and carved in an elegant design. her heartbeat stutters,

  
"it's beautiful, p," she breathes and looks up at penelope, "you didn't have to."

  
"I did," she says and her hold on josie tightens a little, "that ruby is enchanted to protect you. in a fight, it will preserve your energy, won't let you get weakened easily - it's meant to and will keep you safe. and I've always wanted you to be safe, since the start - no matter what."

  
josie doesn't know what to say to that. a lump forms in her throat; the sweetness, the thoughtfulness of the gesture bringing her near tears. words fail her and she knows that they'd fail to convey her feelings as well. so she just puts her arms around penelope again and hugs her tight, so tight as if hoping that it would merge them together, into each other, as one.

  
"thank you," she says against penelope's neck, "so much."

  
penelope's fingers dance over her spine, smooth and comforting, "it's nothing. it's okay."

  
and when josie pulls away and kisses penelope for the third time, it's gentle and slow and soft as the moonlight washing over them. it's not feverish, like the previous ones, but no less passionate. it's sweet this time, josie thinks as she smiles into the kiss, and a lot more hopeful.


End file.
